For my Mother…I may never get another chance.

I’m so fearful of the idea that one day you will leave me, that I often forget to live in the moment. Sometimes, I lie awake, just thinking about what life would be like, when you leave me. You are the first person to love me, before any other. Your sacrifices are endless. I remember when we had to live on banana sandwiches for a while, yet you made it feel like I was eating the best meal on Earth, everyday. I remember hardly seeing you, because you were working day and night, all for us. When Anna and Akka were out, figuring their own lives out, I saw your struggle. I remember your tears, I remember you wiping them away and I remember you smiling. I remember you always telling me to try. My success wasn’t important toย you, it was the journey that you were most impressed with. That’s something I have always remembered.

No one puts up with my stupidity, as well as you do. You understand what I feel, without me having to say anything. You remember what it was like being my age and you never stop me from enjoying my youth. You allow me to express myself, without being judged. You give me so much freedom. You know when to give me space and when to smother me in love. You remind me of your mistakes, so that I know that my mistakes are human. You understand the way I look at the world, you understand it’s unconventional and very unlike the way you see it, and yet you never make me feel bad for it. You show your pride through the respect and love you have forย me. I only hope to extend these amazing qualities, when (and if) I become a mother.

You’re my best friend. You are so much fun to be around. I am beyond proud to call you my Mother. I know I’m not very emotional, and sometimes I beat myself over how I don’t express my love for you. It’s unusually easier telling other people how much I love you, than telling you yourself. I think since Appa’s passing, I have grown more and more fearful of losing you. I guess I think that detaching myself from you will make that dreaded day easier on me. I know I’m wrong.ย Thank you for showing me what love means. You have given me a very comfortable life, through your struggle. I know I’m very hard to live with; I’m a minimalist and you’re very opposite. I like how you never give up your ways for me – it reminds me of how strong of a woman you are.

I know your old age has weathered our relationship. It has also brought us closer. It’s a constant reminder of how limited my time is with you. I know what you’re going to say: “I’m not old, I’m still a spring chicken.” The truth is, I don’t want to regret things unsaid.ย You will never understand how much I love you, Ma. I want to proclaim it to the world. My love for you is infinite. I will always love you, for the rest of my life. Please, never forget that. I don’t ever want you to leave me. I know one day you will, and that’s something I’m slowly growing to accept. I just hope you know that as emotionless as I am towards you, I love you hundred-fold more. You leaving me will, without a doubt, crush me, but I want to relish in the memories I have of you. I love how fun you are, your zeal for life and how adventurous you are. I love how nothing stops you. I love how unbelievably strong you are. More than anything, I love how you are just you.

As your memory fades, I just hope you remember this. God knows when I’ll be able to say it to your face. I know when you read this, tears will be streaming from my eyes. It’s from the bottom of my heart, Mum. I love you very much. You have no idea. You will never leave me, even when you physically do. My love for you will carry on, beyond graves and lifetimes.

Usually, before I sleep, I say two things out loud that I’m thankful for. The first is usually something that happened/I felt during the day. The second never changes:

Thank you, Universe, for my Mother.

Crazy love, broken promises, food dead, cannibalism, hybrid insects and a beautiful eye!

I’m back! *pop*

It has been just shy of ย four months since my last post, and I expected this blog to have absolutely no views in that time. How wrong am I? It’s astounding how many people read this blog. I have readers from ALL OVER THE WORLD! ย Not only from the UK, USA or Canada but Bahrain, Israel, Brazil, Dubai, Laos, Korea, Spain, Russia, Kenya, Mongolia, New Zealand, Turkey…the list goes on! I never expected it, at all. I don’t even have that many posts! Other bloggers out there might think this is normal, but it’s huge for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I’ll try my best to not disappoint you with late posts again! Love, love, love!

A couple of posts ago, I was nominated for the Liebster Award and I promised once I found 11 good blogs, I would nominate them. Truth is, the blogs I found already had been nominated. Also, they didn’t nominate everyone themselves (except one). Somewhere down the line, the rules have been muddled. Tut tut.

Also, I mentioned the chalazion on my eye. It’s gone! It went a while ago, I just never told you guys. Oopsy! But, I shall pass down my chalazion-fighting wisdom to you. Red sandalwood powder! Just mix it with rose water, or just plain water, and leave it on for 2 minutes and wash off, very carefully. From beginning to end, it took just under two months to clear, however the nurse did say it could take anywhere from 5 months to 2 years! I patted my immune system on its back and gave it some nutella, don’t worry.

Talking about health, I haven’t been ill more times than I have been so this year. I don’t know why, but everything is going pear-shaped, health-wise. Normally, I only have the seasonal flu twice a year, but this year, I’ve had a little more than that. I blame my vegetarian diet. On that note, not long to go before my vegetarianism is over! Not that you care…

On a completely unrelated note, I had a very funny dream that only accentuates my personality. I had been held hostage on a vintage train by life-sized hybrid insects. I say hybrid, I don’t really know what word to use. ย The “leader” was a very fat, slimy, grey worm/slug/caterpillar, who wore a monocle, top hat and waistcoat. He wanted to blow up the Earth (I don’t know why) and only had 24 hours to do it in. Just as he was about to press the gooey chocolate button, his insect men came in and said that the only way he could blow up the Earth was to twist once. Yes, twist. That was the exact word they used. What they meant was he had to rotate his whole body once for the Earth to blow up. His monocle dropped and he raised his voice saying, “But it takes 10 days to twist…well, we better get a move on then, quick!” He then twisted his head once and headed for the door, whilst his insect men followed him and tried to help. Then, in Picasso-style, a moth/daddy-long leg/helicopter thing flew out very slowly, as if it were injured. And I woke up. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY! But this isn’t the first time I have dreamt about strange, strange things. Just ask my sister (okay, so you can’t really ask her); she gets annoyed at me every time I tell her one of my dreams.

Food. My diet hasn’t been great recently. I started this blog to talk about food, share recipes and reviews and also talk about stuff that happens in my life. But I haven’t really been keen on anything food-related, surprisingly. I haven’t gone off food, oh no no no. I just can’t stand cooking in my kitchen. My flatmates are disgusting. They leave bits of food lying around, raw meat just sitting in bowls, they don’t take the bins out and I don’t even think they’ve cleaned the work-tops since we all moved in. I have a few times, but I stopped doing so as soon as I stopped eating/cooking in there. I only go in there if I want milk from the fridge. It’s so horrible. I’m not sure if this is insignificant to you, but for someone who loves food as much as I do, I won’t disrespect it. I can’t enjoy cooking, if the place I’m preparing food in is unhygienic. In less than 20 days, I’ll be back home in London, at my sister’s house, visiting family and friends – I know they’ll encourage me to cook and enjoy it all over again. So, until then, sorry no recipes. I can’t lie to you and post a recipe I haven’t tried. Sorry! I’ll update you on my life and the craziness that happens until then.

You lot are a funny bunch. I often look at what people search for in order to find this page. My favourites, so far, are “ninja girl eat indian” and “chocolate ninja eat indian”. I like how you know my love of eating, but I really don’t eat Indians.

I’ll be posting again soon, so watch this space. Wait, you can’t leave yet! Have a look at this camel taking a selfie, and then you can go. Ciao!